Three Men and A Lady
by MoodyLithium
Summary: A spirit granted the Titanic charactors immortality; the only catch is four of these people must live together to gain it. They end up living in a two bedroom house in California in 2003. Note: a little funny now, but I promise it will get better.
1. An Introduction to the Housemates

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An Introduction to the Housemates

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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Titanic. Debt to 'Three's Company" for original inspiration. Debt to Idgie of "Fried Green Tomatoes" for part characterization in Rose. Debt to more people for more cauterizations. 

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The hallway was filled with the sounds of heartbroken sobbing. Jack gritted his teeth, and slowly made his way to the living room. The sobbing increased in volume with each step. He stood in the doorway, and stared at the man on the couch.

Cal was lying on the couch, a blanket up to his chin. Empty doughnut boxes littered the floor around him. He was staring at the TV and sobbing uncontrollably. The theme from "Port Charles" was playing. 

"Are you ok?" Jack asked. He crossed the room to where Cal lay. Cal shook his head. "What happened?" "Alison and Rafe are related!!!" Cal let loose another loud sob. Jack sighed; just when in the last 91 years had Cal become addicted to Soap Operas?

He didn't know. Maybe it had came from being the "Housewife". Cal grabbed Jack and shook him. "Don't you see? Now it's all ruined!!" He collapsed onto the couch sobbing. "Er….." Jack patted him on the shoulder. This was not his favorite part of the day, and making Cal stop crying was always his job.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" a scream from the kitchen stopped Jack from having to deal with Cal further. "I have to check the kitchen." Jack said quickly. He briskly left the living room.

The water was ankle deep when he reached the kitchen. Fabrizo was standing in the middle of it, holding a pot. A bemused look was on his face. "What did you do?" "I didn't do anything." Jack pointed to the water that had filled his shoes. "Ok, what in the hell is that?" "Water." "I know it's water." "Then why did you-" "I didn't! I was….AARHGGH!!!!"

Fabrizo eyed Jack warily. "Jack, are you alright?" "Yes," Jack was taking deep breaths. In the last 20 years or so his friend's idiocy had started to get to Jack. Really get to Jack.

"Why is there water on the floor?" "Oh, that. Well, there was this pot on the stove and it had water in it, and when I went to move it, I got burnt and dropped it." Fabrizo smiled happily. "That makes sense I guess. But how are we to get the water out of the floor?" Fabrizo stared at him blankly; this had obviously never crossed his mind.

"Do you know you're standing in water?" Cal asked. He strode over to the table and began moving the chairs. "Yes, we know," Jack said. "Why are you moving the chairs?" Fabrizo replied, "He does it everyday." Jack looked at Cal questioningly. 'I have to. When you're all at work I move them around and use them as tables and things." "Right. How can we get the floor clean?" "Go away and I can fix it." Jack looked at Cal and then at Fabrizo. He was getting the feeling that he would not like what would happen to the water. "Ok, I'll go, but you have to get this up before it damages something." Both nodded. 

When Jack was gone Cal grabbed the pot from Frabizo's hands and sat it in the floor. "Get some straws." "Ok." Fabrizo handed cal two straws. "Now what?" "Now, we use the vacum to suck the water back into the pot." "Why?" "Because I wan tot make Stroganoff and we need the water."

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Rose arrived home several hours later and found Jack in the attic and Cal and Fabrizo cooking. She was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the paper when Jack came down from the attic. He was covered in dust. "What were you doing?" Rose said, not looking up from the paper. 

"I was cleaning the attic." Rose looked up from the paper. She burst into laughter. "It's not funny," Jack said dropping into a chair. "But it is!" Rose said. She climbed into his lap. "It's very funny." 'Oh, is it?" "Uh-huh." Jack whispered something in her ear. Rose giggled. 'Oh Lord, help us," Cal said irritability. "What's wrong with you?" Rose asked. "Soaps not go well?" Cal's lower lip wobbled. "Please don't ask." Cal's voice was choked with unshed sobs. 

"Can we eat?" Fabrizo asked. "Yes." The sobs were gone from Cal's voice. He carried the pot of Stroganoff to the table and sat it down. They began serving themselves. Rose remained in Jack's lap. Cal grunted. 

"What is it?" Rose asked. "Can't you people sit apart?" "No," Jack said. "Why does it bother you so much?" "It bothers him because he's alone," Fabrizo said. Cal glared at him. "That was private. I told you that in confidence!" "Oh, ya I remember you saying that." "Then why if you remember did you just share it with our housemates??" "Er………" 'It doesn't matter!" Rose broke in. 

"Why doesn't it matter?" Cal asked. The tears were back in his voice. 'Because," Jack explained, "You're alone cause you don't ever leave the house." "So it's my fault?" Cal burst into tears. "No, it's…."Jack struggled for words. "Can we just forget it and eat?" Fabrizo said. They all stared at him amazed. 

Usually he wasn't the brightest of guys, but sometimes he surprised them all. "Ok," they all said in unison. "Besides, who cares if Jack and Rose like to cnadodle while eating? Or if Cal likes to drool over Sonny from General Hospital?" His housemates stared at him.

"I told you that in confidence also!!!!!" Cal screamed shrilly. He jumped up and lunged at Fabrizo. "AAAHHHH!!" Jack then managed to pull off the greatest feat ever. He grabbed Cal and kept him from killing Fabrizo and still kept Rose in his lap.

"Would you stop it? You're acting like animals!" Cal said sulkily, "He told things about me!!" "So? I know worse things," Rose said. 'Why do I tell you people things?" "Cause you live with us," Fabrizo said. "Oh yes, now I remember. Wish I could forget." 

"Haha, whatever you love us and you know it." Jack threw a piece of bread at Cal. It bounced off his head. "Maybe. Now STOP THROWING THE FOOD I MADE YOU WITH THE WATER FROM THE KITCHEN FLOOR AND EAT TI!!!!!" Cal yelled. 

"Water from the floor?" Rose asked. She glared at Cal. "Why would you use floor-water?" "Well, Jack told us to get it out of the floor and we did," Fabrizo answered. 'I didn't tell you to COOK with it!!!!" "Oh," Cal and Fabrizo answered in unison. "Damn it all I'm not eating!"

They all left the kitchen and sat in the living room watching the Sci-Fi channel. They later regretted the rash decision not to eat the Stroganoff. 

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AN: I realize this is a really stupid parody but I was bored and it just wrote itself. Also, the next chapter for "Truth, But No Logic" will be up later today. Review, but please don't be too harsh as I know it isn't that good.


	2. The Remote of Unreality

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The Remote of Un-Reality

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Disclaimer: I don't own the Titanic characters. This is based upon a real incident that occurred a few weeks ago.

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Cal was not alright. Not alright at all. He was used to feeling panicked; what with the state of his soaps, who wouldn't be? That was trivial compared to this. His gateway to the world, portal to entertainment was gone. In short, he had lost the remote.

He had noticed its absence when he came back from the kitchen on one of his frequent snack trips. He had settled back onto the couch, doughnuts in hand, when he realized he couldn't find the remote. 

Now, four hours later, he was in full on panic mode. He had missed his soaps, and Oprah was near the half-way point. If he didn't find it soon he would be in total T.V. viewing hell.

Frantically, he threw empty chip bags and beer bottles, as he searched. He was so engrossed that he didn't notice Rose come in early from work. She stood in the living room doorway, watching him as he searched.

"What are you _doing?_" she asked. Cal whirled around, his arms full of old cookie boxes. "I was.." he tried to keep the tears out of his voice. Jack had recently lectured him profusely on when not to burst into tears, and he wasn't sure if this fell under that category or not. 

"I lost the….." Despite his best efforts, tears filled his eyes. Rose groaned inwardly. She had no experience with Cal when he cried, but didn't imagine it would be a nice thing to go through. At least, not from the stories Jack had told her.

"What did you lose?" she asked gently. Maybe if she was careful, she could avoid tears. "The remote!" Cal cried. He burst into a torrent of tears. Rose crossed the room to him. She patted his arm.

"Have you looked for it?" "I've looked everywhere!" Rose surveyed the living room. Pillows and empty food containers were strewn all around. "Maybe you did. Come on, I'll make you tea and you can calm down." Her voice was soothing. "Ok."

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Fabrizo arrived home soon after. He was immediately disturbed as he couldn't hear the T.V. or crying. What was wrong with Cal? _Maybe he was abducted by eco-terrorists who want his money,_ he thought. The fact that they had spent all of Cal's money on acid in the 60's didn't occur to him. 

He heard a CREAK sound and voices. It was coming from somewhere in the house. They were still in the house! Maybe they wanted him too! Fabrizo ran down the hallway, not stopping to look in the living room or kitchen. He ran up the stairs, and up to the attic.

Rose peered out the kitchen doorway. _What was that? _she wondered. She shook her head in frustration; Cal's rants about the remote were obviously getting to her. 

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Jack too was disturbed by the lack of Cal crying on the couch, but he took a more logical approach to it. He went to the kitchen. Rose was sitting at the table, reading the paper, her top hat perched atop her head, beer in hand. 

Cal, was over at the stove, cooking. His face showed signs of tears. "Why aren't you watching T.V.?" he asked. Cal's lower lip trembled slightly. "I-" he couldn't continue as his voice was too blocked by tears to get out more than a low croak.

Jack turned to Rose. "He lost the remote," she answered. Jack nodded. Ah, that was it. He might have known. He sat down at the table. "Why didn't you just get up and change the channel yourself?"

Cal looked at him incuriously. This was clearly a new concept to him. "Myself?" he said. The tears stopped falling. "I'll explain it later." Cal nodded, and went back to cooking

An hour later, they were preparing to eat dinner when Rose realized that they were missing a housemate. "Where's Fabrizo?" she asked. Cal and Jack shrugged. It didn't matter, they'd find him later.

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Later that night, Jack was taking a shower, when he heard a creaking sound. Assuming it was Cal or Rose downstairs, he ignored it. Five minutes later, Fabrizo fell through the ceiling and into his shower. 

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AN: Hope you liked that! Thanks to Grace for reviewing.


	3. The Morning After

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The Morning After

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Thanks to all who reviewed!

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Jack found Cal in his usual spot on the couch. He was wrapped in his fuzzy pink blanket; the blanket he always used when he watched TV. But he wasn't watching TV now. He was staring at the silent TV with a blank expression.

Jack sighed. Something had to be done about him, but what? He had lain on the couch for hours, not even bothering to eat. "Cal," Jack said gently. Cal's head jerked up. He stared at Jack with wide, terrified eyes. Jack walked across the room. He sat down on the couch beside him.

"Cal, you have to get off this couch," Jack's voice was level. "But the remote,"Cal's voice trembled. "Look, I'll show you how to change the TV without it." Cal hesitated. "And I'll get you more doughnuts," Jack added quickly. "Ok."

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"Jack," Rose began slowly. Jack eyed her warily. This was not good. Rose was not wearing her top hat. She _always _wore her top hat. "Well, I have to go away for the weekend-" "WHAT??" Rose's face was pained. "I _have_ to, it's for work!" "I know," Jack's voice was full of defeat. Rose picked up his hand. "It's ok, I'll only be gone for a few days." Jack nodded. "I know, but we've never been apart, and I really don't wanna stay here alone with _them_!" 

Rose smiled, choosing to ignore the last half of his sentence. Jack smiled back; maybe a weekend without Rose wouldn't be total hell, after all there was always the garage if Cal and Fabrizo got too insane. "So, you're ok with it?" 

Fortunately, he was spared having to reply. With a CRASH Fabrizo burst into the room. "Why was the door locked?" he asked. He looked around. "What were you doing?" "We were _trying_ to have some privacy," Jack said irritably. "Oh, why?" Jack opened his mouth to answer, but Rose beat him to it. "Because I'm leaving for the weekend."

Fabrizo looked confused for a moment, but his face lit up. "Oh, goody!" he shrieked. "We can eat doughnuts and paint our toes and everything!!" He clapped his hands happily. "Now, when you say "we" you don't mean me to, do you?" Jack asked. 

Fabrizo looked stricken. "Of course I do! We'll have so much fun, but first we'll have to fix Cal." "Well, at least you'll have something to do," Rose said. Rose considered shoving him out and locking the door, but then she remembered that the lock was broken.

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Two days later

Cal was still lying on the couch, only now he was starting to smell. This was made worse by the fact that the other members of the house had had to for themselves in the cooking area, causing several complaints from the neighbors. Jack, hadn't shown him how to change the TV, so he had been staring into space all that time. 

Jack, had been too busy trying to think of ways to keep Rose form leaving to do anything. So far, his best plan was to throw himself down and beg. She might stay if he did that, but it was more likely that she would kiss him again and leave quickly. 

He did not want this. "Jack," Rose called up the stairs. "I'm leaving now." Jack jumped out of the chair and ran down the stairs. He was going too fast to stop, so he crashed into Rose. They fell against the wall. "Rose, are you ok?" he asked hesitantly. She nodded. 

"I'm fine Jack." Jack looked disappointed. "You _wanted _me to be hurt?" "No, but if you were then…." Jack let the sentence hang. "Ah, I see." "Well, couldn't you-" "No, Jack." "But-" "Jack, I don't want to go-"

"Well then don't. Stay here. With ME!!" "I CAN'T" "Can I play?" Fabrizo asked. Both stared at him. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs, holding a large Super-Soaker. It was aimed at them. 

"We're not playing a game," Jack said. "Oh, what are you doing?" "I'm trying to leave for my trip." "Cool. Hey, will you bring me back some of those wooden shoes?" Rose looked confused. "Wooden shoes?" "From Holland." "But I'm-" 

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" an anguished scream filled the house. It was coming from the living room. Cal. "I'll go." Fabrizo ran into the other room. "Jack, I really want to stay, but I can't so I'm going." Rose had taken advantage of Jack's ;lack of attentiveness due to Cal's scream and had gotten up.

She kissed him. "I love you. Don't kill them." Jack grinned. "I love you too." Rose kissed him again. "Bye." Rose slipped out the door. Jack leaned against the wall. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. He could get Cal off the couch and fix the bathroom ceiling…….

Another scream of anguish, this time from Fabrizo interrupted his thoughts. Maybe not.

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	4. Of Men and Malls

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Of Men and Malls.

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Disclaimer: These characters are the property of James Cameron, they will be returned to him, but he may not want them back.

AN: Thank you all so much for reviewing!

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Jack slowly made his way to the living room. The screams were still coming, and he did not want to see why. He paused a moment before walking through the doorway; he considered his options.

He could stay here and try to deal with his housemates, or he could stay and ignore them. He toyed with these ideas. Suddenly a new option entered his mind: Run!

Well, this certainly had its perks. He could simply run out the front door, and hopefully catch Rose, then he could go with her and not have to stay alone with them. Yes, he would do it.

Jack nodded confidently. He could do it, he didn't have to baby-sit Cal and Fabrizo. He turned away from the doorway and- "GET AWAY!!!!!!AWAY!!!!!!" Cal screamed shrilly. Jack threw his hands up in defeat and went into the living room. 

Cal was on the couch, clutching his blanket in his fists. He was screaming like a madman. Fabrizo, was standing over him, the Super-Soaker aimed at his head, laughing insanely. Jack wondered briefly how two people could be so nutty.

"Fabrizo," he said slowly. Fabrizo turned away from Cal and stared at Jack. "Hi! Can we play Operation?" Jack looked at him in shock. "Operation?" he repeated dumbly. Fabrizo nodded eagerly. "Well, maybe if you get away from Cal and put that thing up." 

"OK!" Fabrizo ran into the hallway, where he threw the Super-Soaker up the stairs. He ran back in. "Jack-" "Not now!" Jack was leaning over Cal. "Are you ok?" "Yes," Cal's voice was tearful. "Good. Do you want me to show you how to fix the TV?" 

Cal nodded. "Ok." Jack crossed the room and stood in front of the TV. "See this button?" He pointed to the button marked POWER. "Yes." "You push it to turn the TV on." Jack pushed the button. The TV came on filling the room with the sounds of The History Channel's "Haunted History". 

"Ew!!!!!!Educational shows!!!!!!" Cal's lower lip stuck out in a pout. "How old are you??" Jack asked irritably. "You know how old I am." "I know that." "Jack!!!!!!" Fabrizo interrupted. "I need your -" "NOT NOW!" "But its-" "I have to get this over with!"

Jack hadn't noticed Fabrizo leave and go into the hallway; he also hadn't noticed the woman standing in their front door. "Ok, this button,-" Jack pointed, "is volume and this is for changing channels." Jack begins to demonstrate. "See?" Cal stared at him in amazement.

"That is so cool!" He jumped up from the couch and hugged Jack tightly. Jack felt his lungs empty of all air. Cal's muscular strength somehow hadn't been diminished by his years as a Couch Potato. "Air!" Jack croaked. "Oh, sorry." Cal's voice was apologetic, but he made no move to let go. 

"No! You can't go in there! My housemates are….busy!!" Fabrizo was yelling from the hall. Jack realized that maybe he should have listened to him, but didn't linger over it as he had more important things to worry about. Like how to get air into his lungs. 

Jack may be immortal, but dying of asphyxiation is not how he wanted to spend his afternoon. 

Suddenly the room was filled with a screeching voice. Mrs. Bird. "I _knew _there was something not right about you people!" she screeched. Jack was too dizzy from lack of oxygen to care what she was saying, but Cal was confused.

Until he realized that he was still hugging Jack. Hugging him very tightly. Sheepishly, he let go. Jack fell into a chair, breathing heavily. His face which had been beginning to become bluish, returned to normal.

"We're not…er….." Cal struggled to explain. Mrs. Bird ignored his attempts. "I knew it when you moved in." She turned to Jack, who was only semi-conscious. "Does the girl you live with know?" "Rose," Jack said. "How could she know? We're not together like that!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh, you're not?" "NO!!!!!!!!!" Cal and Jack yelled together. "Ok then, if you say so." And as quickly as she had come, Mrs. Bird was out the door. Jack looked at Fabrizo. "How did she get in?" "She came in." "Why didn't you stop her?" "You told me to go away." Jack was dumbfounded. It was true, he had, and now she was going to tell people about her visit.

"Jack?" Fabrizo said. "Yes?" "Can we play Operation now?" Jack laughed. "Why not?"

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The next morning, Jack decided that it would be beneficial for all if they did not spend the day in the house. He wasn't sure what they should do, but they had to do _something_. 

Cal still wasn't off the couch. He had lain there all night watching TV. Only now he had begun his snacking again in full earnest. Fabrizo, was in the attic. Jack had no idea what he was doing; he liked it that way.

Jack approached Cal cautiously. Since being reunited with his soaps, he had been pleasant, but Jack was not sure how much it would make to start up the crying. "Cal, you need to get up." Jack's tone was light. Cal looked at him suspiciously. "Why?" "Because we're going to…..to the mall." 

"Really?" Cal squealed. He jumped up from the couch. "Yeah, really." "Oh goody!!" Cal hugged Jack again, but so tightly this time. "Ok, Cal, uh could you go shower?" "Are you saying I smell?" Tears welled up in Cal's eyes. "No, you just need one."

"You think I smell!" The tears started in full force. "If you calm down and take a shower, than we'll go to the doughnut shop." Cal's tears lessened. "Really?" "Yes." "Ok."

Jack found Fabrizo in the kitchen. He was studying a peach. "What are you doing?" "How do the peaches get so fuzzy?" "What?" "Peaches. Why are they fuzzy." Jack thought about this. _Why were peaches fuzzy?_ He couldn't find the answer.

"It doesn't matter." "Why not?" Jack inwardly kicked himself. He had begun an argument with Fabrizo. "Because its not important." "Why not?" "Because we're going to the mall." Fabrizo's eyes went round. "We are?" "Yes." "Yipee!" He began skipping around the room. "But only if you clam down." "Ok."

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Two hours later.

They left the house, and made their eay down the street. They walked briskly, arriving at the mall within minutes. Cal ran immediately to the food court. Fabrizo followed, and Jack stood there hoping he didn't look too conspicuous.

Cal was staring in rapture at the doughnuts. "You want them don't you?" Jack asked. He joined them at the rack. Cal nodded. "Get em all then," Jack said. He was happy; Cal wasn't crying and Fabrizo hadn't done anything stupid. Well, yet.

They purchased the doughnuts, but Fabrizo was gone. Cal wanted to stay and eat them. "Ok, but you can't leave here." Cal nodded genially. Jack went off in search of Fabrizo. 

He found him at the escalator. "Fabrizo, what happened?" His head was stuck between the railing. "I wanted to see what would happen." "What would happen?" "Yeah, on this soap Cal was watching this guy stuck his head in a railing and he got all this money for it."

Jack was calm. "Did it ever occur to you that it was on TV that this happened, and not in reality?" "No." Just then, the security guard marched up, holding Cal by the arm. "Is he yours?" he asked gruffly. Jack stared in shock. Cal was covered in leaves and chocolate.

"What did you do?" Cal was close to tears . "Someone tried to take my doughnuts." Jack nodded. "Ah." He turned to the guard. "Yes, I know him." "Ok." The guard shuffled off. "We need to go home." "I agree." "Uh, guys?" Fabrizo was growing panicky. "We'l get you out." "Good." 

"Uh, Jack?" Cal said. "Yeah, how are we going to do that?" "I have no idea." Fabrizo looked worried. "You don't?" "Nope." "Here, have a doughnut." Cal passed them doughnuts. 

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AN: These are getting longer to make up for the fact that I can only use the computer on certain days, so updates take awhile. Review!!


	5. Doughnuts and Breakdowns

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Doughnuts and Breakdowns.

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Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine. ::sniffle:: 

Review!

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Jack chewed his doughnut slowly, not noticing the taste. He was completely clueless as to how to get Fabrizo out of the railing. Cal was happily munching away. He had no worries as long as a doughnut was in his hand. Jack envied him his ability to be so happy so easily.

Fabrizo had calmed down considerably since having been given a doughnut, but he was still panicky. "Jack?" "Yeah?" "When are you going to get me out?" "Well-" "OOH!! I know! I know!!" Cal began jumping up and down excitedly. 

"How then?" "We take some butter and butter his head with it and he'll slide right out." Jack stared at Cal. "Where would you get such an idea?" "From Mad TV." "Ah, I see." "Can we try that?" fabrizo asked. "You _want _him to spread butter on your head?" 

"Yes, if it will get me out of this frikin thing." "Ok then." "I'll go get some butter!" Cal ran off. Fabrizo hummed "Free at Last" while they waited. Jack stood by awkwardly, hoping the strange looks that were being directed their way weren't about him.

Cal soon returned with the butter. "Ok, now we do this." He stuck his had in the bowl and brought out a fist full of butter. "Don't you think that you should use something other than your hand for that?" Jack asked. 

Cal stared at him in horror. "What else would I use? It's what I've always used." Jack chose not to pursue the subject further. "Do it then." Cal proceeded to cover Fabrizo's head and the escalator railing with butter. 

"Isn't that enough?" Jack said. "I fink mit sis." Fabrizo's voice was muffled by the butter. "What?" Cal asked. "He says it's enough." "Can I put more?" "Cal, what part of "he thinks it's enough" did you not understand?"

"Well………" "Just forget it." "But you asked." "I know I did." Jack sighed heavily. His original hopes about the weekend not being hell had been wrong. "Is utter 's ood." "Are you eating it?" "Es."

"Can I have some?" Cal asked eagerly. "O!" Cal stuck his lower lip out in a pout. "S'not fair." 'Wasn't the point of the butter to get Fabrizo out of the railing?" "Oh." Cal instantly forgot his pouting. "I'll do it." He grabbed Fabrizo's head and shoved it back. "OW!!!!!!!!!" Cal laughed. "This is fun. " 

Jack began to question the logic in letting Cal handle a human head. "You're hurting him, so maybe you should try another way." His voice was pleading. Cal looked at him questioningly. Jack didn't usually plead. He mostly rammed his head against the wall in frustration.

Cal considered letting his head go. He decided to give it one last shove and leave it at that. With a POP Fabrizo's head was free. 'I'm free!!!!!" he yelled joyfully. Jack patted Cal on the back. "Maybe that wasn't a totally stupid idea." 

Cal's voice was tearful. "Jack, there's butter on my doughnut!" His bottom lip trembled. Jack inwardly kicked himself. He should have known that it was too good to be true.

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	6. Home at Last

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Home at Last

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Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Sorry updates have been taking so long; life has caused me to ignore the computer for a while. But I'm back! ::evil grin::

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After hours of arguments and many tears from Cal, they had arrived home. Jack, had sank exhausted into the nearest chair. He wasn't sure if he would be able to take much more of them.

Cal was mopping the floor and Fabrizo had gotten out his Legos. He was attempting to build something, but Jack couldn't figure out what. A few seconds later, he knew what he had been building. 

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Cal screamed. Jack jerked his head up from the table. Cal had jumped onto the counter and was energetically swinging the broom at Fabrizo. Fabrizo was holding a remote control and staring at Cal with a dazed look. 

A cat-like robot was hissing at Cal. It lashed at him with a shiny metallic claw. Cal screamed again, flailing wildly with the broom. Jack felt his stress headache returning.

"Fabrizo," he said. "Put the robot up." "But-" "Do it!" Fabrizo grudgingly went into the living room. "Cal," Jack said gently. Cal, was crouched in the fetal position, shaking slightly. "Is it gone?" His voice was filled with terror.

"Yes. You can get off the cabinet now." Cal hesitated. "I'll take it apart." "Ok."

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Cal was sleeping on the couch, drool oozing slowly from his mouth. His loud snores echoed loudly in the silent room. The TV glowed soundlessly. 

Jack quietly clicked it off. He made his way into the hallway. "OW!" "Fabrizo?" "Yeah, why'd you step on me?" "Because I didn't expect you to be laying across the hall floor." "Good point." 

"Why are you?" "I dunno." "Ok." Fabrizo jumped to his feet. "Good night Jack," he said cheerily running into the kitchen. Jack wondered if it was safe to go to bed with Fabrizo awake by himself.

In the end, exhaustion won out and he slowly climbed the stairs to his bed. 

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Two Hours Later

Fabrizo wanted to make a smoothie, but was having trouble as it wasn't coming together properly. He jammed a carrot in the blender. He then added an apple, lemon and ear of corn.

Fabrizo pushed the "Frappe" button. The blender came to life with a loud whirring noise. The fruit began to spin, but stopped as if stuck. Fabrizo soon realized that it was not working correctly.

He frantically pushed the OFF button, but to no avail. It remained stuck and the noise rose in volume.

Fabrizo shrugged and wandered into the living room. He would fix the blender later. 

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Jack woke up suddenly, his ears filled with some sort of whirring. _What in the hell is that?_ he thought. Sighing, he got out of bed and walked to the top of the stairs. The sound increased in volume. Jack slowly walked down the stairs. With ever step, the sound became louder; when he reached the bottom, it was deafening.

Jack stepped into the kitchen. The blender was spinning on the counter, juice was spewing out of it, and it seemed to have taken on a life of it's own. He quickly crossed the room and unplugged it. 

"Fabrizo! Cal!" he yelled. They both appeared in the doorway. Fabrizo looked dazed and Cal asleep. "Why did this?" he asked Jack's eyes had taken on a wild look. Cal stared at him dumbly. "What?" "This!!" Jack gestured to the walls dripping with juice.

Fabrizo sounded proud. "I did." "Why?" Jack's voice was level, but he had taken a less threatening tone when Cal had tried to force them all to participate in group therapy.

"Well, I wanted to make a smoothie, and it got stuck so I-" Jack held his hand up to silence him. "I see. That's not important. What is important is that we get this cleaned up before Rose-"

"Before I what?" They turned and stared in shock. Rose was standing in the kitchen doorway. "You're early," Cal said. Jack looked at him dangerously. "You choose _now _to be intelligent?" "Uh, no." Fabrizo had taken advantage of Jack's lack of attentiveness to slip out of the kitchen.

Rose walked over to Jack. She touched his chin. "Jack, are you alright?" "Nope, he's not." Cal nodded proudly. "He's been a wreck ever since you left." Jack opened his mouth to reply, but Rose beat him to it.

"Oh, were you now?" she asked coyly. "Yeah," Jack said sheepishly. Rose smiled. "Me too." She kissed him. "Oh Lord, their going to start that again," Cal grumbled. "Of course we are," Jack said happily.

"Jack?" "Yes?" "What's dripping off the walls?" "I really don't know." "Ah. Well, can we ignore it?" Jack raised his eyebrow. "Ignore it?" "Yeah, we have other things to do."

"Ok." Jack kissed her. He took her hand; they disappeared up the stairs. Muttering to himself, Cal returned to the couch. Hopefully, he hadn't missed South Park.

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	7. The Morning Before, Really, Really, Befo...

****

The Morning Before, Really, Really, Before.

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Disclaimer: I don't own these ppl. Lillith, is me so I sorta own her, and anyone else not connected to Titanic that pops up is mine too.

Review!

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Cal paced the room nervously. He was immortal now, well supposedly immortal. Cal had no way of knowing if he was or not, but that wasn't what was bothering him.

What bothered him was that this immortality came with a catch. A big catch. The sort of catch that involves your ex, the man she left you for, and his best friend. 

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Fabrizo followed Jack through the busy New York streets. "What do you mean 'immortal'? he asked incredulously. "I mean that we are immortal." Fabrizo stared at him. "Ok. So, who's we?" "You, me Rose, and…….." Jack didn't finish. He was not looking forward to living with Cal for all eternity. Really, really, not.

"Oh. Where's Rose?" "Getting.." Jack left the sentence hanging. "Ah." 

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Rose stepped into the cool lobby. It was a welcome relief after the choas of the outside world. She quickly entered the elevator and pushed the button marked 3.

She was soon on the third floor. Rose briskly walked down the hall. Stopping briefly to read room numbers. Finally, she found the one she was looking for. 

Rose reached for the door handle, but it was opened before she could reach it. "Are you alone?" "Yes." "Ok." "Why all the secrecy?" Rose asked. She stepped into the room. "Because, this is odd enough without people knowing about it."

"I see." "Are we really immortal?" "I believe so." "And we all really have to live together?" "Yes." Cal groaned. "Wonderful." Rose smirked. "Come on, we have to go.

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The four of them boarded a train to California, and things went ok for awhile. It was decided that who would have a joba dn who wouldn't would be sorted out later, and they would spend the next few days getting used to each other. That's when the madness started……………

Cal was demanding the right to sit by the window, Fabrizo refused to budge. "Why should you get it?" he snapped. "Because, I'm……" Cal was at a loss for words. "Older than you." Fabrizo stared at him. "Older? That's why?" "Yes." "There is no way in hell I will give you this seat."

A vein in Cal's neck popped out. "I want the seat!" He lunged at Fabrizo. Fabrizo kicked him in the throat. Cal landed on the floor a few feet away from where he began. 

"What are you people _doing?!_?!" Jack stood in the doorway of the train compartment. "He tried to make me move!" Fabrizo said. He pointed an accusing finger at Cal. Cal massaged his neck. "I want the window." 

Jack sighed. He had expected this. "You can't have the window." "Why not? I want it!" "Because, it is not yours. Fabrizo has it." Jack's voice took on the tone of a kindergarten teacher. "Not everything is yours. You must learn to share." Cal's lower lip stuck out in a pout.

"It's mine!" Tears sprang into his eyes. Jack looked at him in shock. Cal crying over a window seat was a little too much. "It's just a window, you can find another." "But, I want that one!!" Cal wailed. Jack couldn't help but notice how much he resembled a small child.

"Well, maybe you can take turns." Cal's eyes brightened. "Ok." "Fabrizo?" "I guess." Jack nodded. "Good." He quickly left the room. He hoped fervently that such arguments would not happen often.

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They arrived in California the next morning. Cal and Fabrizo hadn't had any more fights, but it had still been a trying trip. Rose held tightly to Jack's hand. She was nervous about living in a new state, but more so about living with the three of them.

Jack kissed her. "I love you." Rose smiled. "I love you too." Fabrizo made a gagging noise. "Don't do that after I've eaten!" Cal smacked fabrizo in the back of the head. He went flying across the station. "Cal! Do not do that again!!" Rose yelled. Cal flinched. He did not wish to meet meet the anger nehind her voice.

"Let's just leave, and find a place to live." "OOH!" Fabrizo cried. "Can I have my own room?" "Well, maybe." "Yay!!" He clapped his hands happily. 

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Rose was exasperated. "You have found some problem with every place we have tried!" Cal stared at her. "They were major problems." "Major problems? You didn't like how the tree stood in one!" Jack said. Cal was adamant. "Those things are important."

Fabrizo licked his lemon. "Do you want one?" "What?" Rose was confused. "A lemon." "Sure." They left the room. "Either pick a place, or don't live with us." "But, I wanna be immortal." Cal's lip trembled. "Then you will find a place." "Ok."

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	8. A Home For The Madness

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A Home For The Madness.

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Disclaimer: I do not own these ppl.

Sorry, (really, really,. Really,) that it has taken so long form updates. Have been busy with school and such. More chapters later today for this and other stories.

Review

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He had done it. It had taken Cal three weeks and two days, but he had done it. He had found the perfect house. It wasn't too small, or too close to the next house, and best of all the trees stood perfectly straight in the backyard, far away from the house.

He burst into the hotel room the four of the had shared for the last few weeks. "I found it!!" he yelled. "Found what?" Rose asked. She appeared interested, but didn't look away from her newspaper. "Well-"Cal stopped. Why was she wearing a top hat?

Why was she wearing _his _top hat? Cal didn't know. "Uh, Rose why are you-" "HELP!!!!!!!" Rose jumped from her chair. "Come on!" Cal stared at her. "Why?" "Because your housemate is screaming!!!!" She pulled his ear. "OW!!!"

"That's what you get." In the past few weeks Rose's anger had escalated to new heights. Heights Cal had never known she could reach. It had become a common occurrence for her to pull his ears half off his head when she became angry.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. She only did this when she was angry with him. Jack would watch, amused when she attacked Cal. Fabrizo would chew thoughtfully on some bacon, and usually ask if they would help him make shadow puppets.

"COULD YOU PLEASE GET OF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND HELP ME??!!" "Who is that? Fabrizo or Jack?" "Jack," answered Rose. She walked from the room before Cal could comment. 

They found Jack pressed against the wall, eyes wide in terror. Fabrizo stood nearby, a large knife in his hand. His arms were covered in a red substance. "Stay away," Jack whispered. Fabrizo looked confused. "What's wrong with you?" He took a step toward Jack.

Jack pressed himself closer to the wall, sliding into a corner. "Don't come any closer." "Why not?" Fabrizo twirled the knife between his fingers. Jack whimpered. "Uh, Rose?" Rose turned to face Cal. "What?" "Don't you think you should help?" "Well, duh." Cal was perplexed. "Then why aren't you?" 

"Do you really want to deal with Fabrizo and a knife?" "Rose?" Jack whispered. Rose's voice was soothing. "It's alright Jack." "Why does Fabrizo have a huge knife and blood all over him?" She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. 

"Jack, that's not blood." "It's not?" "No, Jack." He cautiously stepped away from the wall. "Yes, it is." Fabrizo said happily. Cal looked at him incuriously. "It is?" Jack shrank back against the wall. Rose quickly joined him. "It's ok Jack." "But he's-" "Ssh." She hugged Jack tightly. "Don't worry about it. Nothing will hurt you." Jack kissed her.

"You either." Rose smiled. Cal grunted. Jack's voice was rapturous, all his previous terror forgotten. "What's wrong with you?" "I dunno, he was happy," Rose commented. 

"Yes, I was happy. Not now." "Why not?" Fabrizo held the knife out to Cal. "Here, you take it." Cal stepped back jerkily. He held his hands in front of his face. "No, that's ok." 

Fabrizo was insistent. "No, I don't want it anymore." Rose glared at Cal. "Just take it," she hissed. Cal was adamant. "But, I don't wanna," he whined. "Rose, why would you want _him _to have a large knife? He's physco!"

Rose opened her mouth to reply, but Cal spoke first. "I am NOT PHYSCO!!!!!!" He yelled. "No, that's not physco." 

"I'm not!" Jack was calm. "I already said you weren't" "You didn't mean it." "How would you know?" "See!" Cal hoped from one foot to the other. "You admit it!" "Uh, no."

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Will they ever find a house? Will the argument ever end? What the hell's up with Fabrizo and all that blood stuff? Read the next update and find out, but beware not clicking the review button………….

AN: Thanks to Serenity8853452 for the reunion idea. It sounds like it would be really funny, so when the prequel is done expect it.

O, ya, these last two chaps and the next one are what happened when they first became immmortal and moved in together.


	9. Therapy and Snogs

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Therapy and Snogging

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Disclaimer: I don't own them. But, since Lillith the therapist is finally going to make an appearance, I get to own something. 

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The knife incident had finally been cleared up. Fabrizo had somehow gotten his hands on some uncooked meat, and thinking it was alive had attacked it. The fight between Jack and Cal which had begun during aforesaid incident, was far from over. 

Jack cautiously stepped into the bathroom. He looked to the left and then the right. Good. Cal was nowhere in sight. But, then neither was Rose and Jack had been hoping they could have some time alone.

He closed and locked the door. Sighing in relief, Jack leaned against the wall. Cal was not in the room. For five hours straight they had argued over everything from why peaches were fuzzy to whether the legend of Lillith were true.

Jack was not bothered by this, quite the opposite actually; he loved fighting with Cal, it was challenging. Even so, he was getting more than a little sick of Cal. 

The man was everywhere. Immortality was beginning not to matter anymore; all Jack wanted was a few days alone with Rose. It didn't look like he was going to get it.

"Jack." Jack stared at the bathroom door. _I'm losing my mind. _he thought. "Jack," Rose called again. "Rose?" "Yes." "Are you out there?" "Well, of course." "How'd you know I was in here?" "Jack there's only so many place you could have hidden." "Oh." "Can I come in?"

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Cal crept through their hotel rooms. Jack had slipped off when he wasn't looking and now he had no idea where to find him. It was a life-or-death situation. If he didn't find him, then he could never prove that he was better. He _needed_ to prove this.

Aha! The bathroom! Cal silently leaned against the door. Hopefully, he would be able to hear if anyone was inside. 

He couldn't hear anything but the sound of running water. Cal rapped on the door. "What do you want?" Rose yelled. "Are you the only one in there?" "I'm in the bath." "That doesn't mean anything.'

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jakc yelled. "See!" Cal was excited. "I said it didn't mean anything!" Jack was angry. "If you don't go away, then I will use that knife on you."

"How can you? Rose threw it out the window." Cal stuck his tongue out at the closed door.

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This was going to be longer, but I have to go to the movies in like an hour and I need to shower and stuff, so I'm posting it now. Maybe, I'll be able to add some more later. 

Review.

O yeah, the "legend of Lillith" can be found on www.behindthename.com, or in the feminist book, "The Sound of The Silver Horn." 


	10. Bathtubs, Squirrels, and Moving

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Bathtubs, Squirrels, and Moving

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Disclaimer: I don't own them.

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"Jack! I told you to stay quiet!" "Sorry." "That's ok." "What are you doing in there?" Cal asked. "You're still out there?" Jack was incredulous. "Yes, I'm still here." 

"Wow!" "What?" "I dunno, just like the word." Rose giggled. "Go away." "Why should I?" "Because we want you to." Cal's voice was blank. "Ok, I'm going to do what _you_ want me to do?" Jack replied, "Yes." "Uh, no."

Rose groaned. "Go away for a minute, and we'll be right out." Cal was hesitant. "We promise." "Ok." 

Jack turned to Rose. "We really have to?" Rose sighed. "I don't want to either, but it's best if we do." She kissed his cheek lightly. "We'll find some time later." Jack grinned slightly. "Alright."

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2 days later

"Come on!" Cal skipped ahead eagerly. They were finally moving into the house he had found, and he was bursting with excitement. "Is he mad?" Jack whispered. Rose laughed. "No, just child-like." Jack nodded. "I see."

He softly kissed Rose. "Rose-" "WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE??!!" Cal screamed. Jack groaned. He was beginning to have fantasies about killing Cal. The man had to ruin every moment he had with Rose.

"We're coming," Rose called. She smiled radiantly. "Come one Jack." He laughed, holding to her hand. "I'm coming."

The house was a two-story, with two

bedrooms. There was a tree in the backyard, and a shed off to the side. Jack couldn't find fault with it, and had to admit Cal had done a good job.

"Jack!" Fabrizo's voice was furious. "Where am I supposed to sleep?" Jack was confused. "What do you mean?" "There's only TWO bedrooms!" "Uh, I guess you could………"

"I'M NOT SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HIM!!!!!!!!" "You have to!" Rose said pleadingly. "There's nowhere else." "I WILL NOT!!" "Hold on a minute, Fabri." 

Jack walked into the kitchen. Rose was sitting on a chair, looking very stressed. A very furious Cal paced the room. "What is wrong now?" "He won't share a room." "Ah." "IT IS NOT JUST 'AH' IT'S NOT RIGHT!!" 

"CAL IF YOU DON'T CALM DOWN I WILL HURT YOU!!" Jack leaned against the wall. He was exhausted with the effort it took to scream louder then Cal. Cal was looking frightened. "Where can I sleep then?"

Rose intervened. "You and Fabrizo can share a room," she paused, studying Cal's reaction. "But, not a bed." Cal thought for a moment. "Ok." Rose sighed, relieved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Hour later

"Jack?" Rose stood in the kitchen doorway. Jack looked up from his book, _Anna Karenina_. "Rose-" She kissed him before he could finish. "Come on." Rose led him upstairs.

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Ok, that may not have been as funny as I would have hoped, but I needed to finish up the whole prequel thingy. _Anna Karenina_ is only in there because I love that book. Review.


	11. What We Tried to Forget

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What We Tried to Forget

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Disclaimer: I don't own this. Well, any appearances of the neighbor(s) are mine, but anything else, not. Review!

AN: End of prequel chapters. Will probly go into prequel every so many chaps,

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Jack cautiously stepped into the kitchen. Cal and Fabrizo were sleeping in the living room, and it didn't take much to wake them. Since Rose's return, two days before, he had been blissfully ignoring his housemates.

Therein lay his mistake. Cal had managed in less than seventy two hours to eat all the food in the house. He had even consumed the tuna Fabrizo had found in the mailbox. 

Fabrizo had assisted him in this; while Cal lay on the couch, Fabrizo had fed him. 

Jack stood in the desolate room. The cabinets were empty and the refrigerator door hung open, revealing a barren interior. He sighed; this time Cal and Fabrizo had gone too far.

Jack walked across the hall and into the living room. Cal was sprawled on the couch, Fabrizo on the floor. The TV glowed soundlessly.

Jack carefully stepped over the sleeping Fabrizo. He snapped off the TV. Cal awoke with a start. Irritated, he turned to face Jack. "Why did you just do that?"

Jack stared. "What?" "You heard me." Cal's tone resembled that of a kindergarten teacher. "Why did you do that?" "Because you were asleep." "So?" "It was a waste of electricity." Cal's lips puckered. "How many times do I have to tell you, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS EKECTRICITY!!" 

"Then how does your precious TV work then?" Jack asked calmly. Cal was adamant. "My TV has nothing to do with that horrible stuff." Tears appeared in his eyes. Jack groaned.

He had been hoping to avoid this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rose slipped unnoticed into the living room. Cal was crying on the couch and Jack looked close to tears himself. The best thing what could happen, was that she would manage to calm Cal down. The worst was that he would continue to cry.

Gritting her teeth, Rose thought of a plan.

She never thought of one. Fabrizo had left the room and wnadered into the hall. He was leaning against the wall, daydreaming about french fries. A knock on the door interrupted him. He skipped to the door and opened it. His eyes went wide at what he saw. "AHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHH!!!" he screamed in terror. Fabrizo ran up the stairs, not stopping until he reached the attic. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	12. Tea and Scones

Tea and Scones  
  
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Disclaimer: I don't own any of it  
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Fabrizo cowered in the attic. His encounter with Ruth had left him very  
frightened. He leaned against the wall; peering out a small hole in the  
corner, he was able to watch all that went on below.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Rose gritted her teeth, willing herself not to scream. Jack and Cal  
stared at each other in shock and fear. Ruth, sat in their living room,  
drinking tea and eating the scones Cal had hidden from them all. She  
was decked out in full Vegas showgirl clothes.  
Jack attempted to begin a conversation. "It's been what, 91 years?"  
Ruth looked at him pointedly. "What?" Jack sighed. He should have  
expected this. Cal replied to her question before Jack spoke.  
"We haven't seen you in a long time," he said. "Why are you here?" Ruth  
smiled. 'I came to stay." Rose found her voice. "For how long?" "Oh, I  
don't really know. Could be a week, could be a year or so."  
All three of them stared. This was not good, not good at all.  
Fabrizo watched it all with wide, eyes. He also didn't wish Ruth to  
stay. The last time he had seen her, had been right after Jack and Rose  
had gotten married. It had not been a pleasant meeting.  
He decided that something had to be done. Letting out a war whoop, he  
plunged down the stairs, Super Soaker in hand.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`` 


	13. Oh, God!

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Oh, God!

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Disclaimer: I don't own this.

Review

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Fabrizo stormed down the stairs, screaming like a madman. Rose fainted when he burst into the living room; Jack closed his eyes and wished he were somewhere else, _anywhere_ else. Cal took no notice, as Rose had fallen into his lap.

Ruth, calmly continued drinking her tea. Fabrizo aimed the Super Soaker at her. Jack snapped back to reality. "Fabri, what are you doing?" he asked gently. 

Fabrizo whirled around. "Rescuing you," he answered. Jack nodded slowly. "I see. Rescuing us from what, exactly?" Fabrizo opened his mouth to reply.

"Uh, guys?" Jack and Fabrizo turned to Cal. Rose lay draped across his lap. "Just WHY is Rose in you lap?" Cal smirked . "She fainted and fell to for comfort."

The vein in Jack's neck popped out slightly. This was getting to be too much. "Can I use the gun?" Fabrizo said excitedly. "No."

"Why not?" 'Because, it is not a good idea." Fabrizo stomped off to the kitchen. 

"Jack?" Rose stirred. Cal grunted. "I knew it wouldn't last." He swiftly handed Rose to Jack and left the room. Jack gently held Rose close. This would have been a great moment-if Ruth's eyes weren't boring into his back like drills. Sighing he followed his housemates into the ktichen.

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Later that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They sat down to dinner, all was usual. Well, almost usual. Rose was in Jack's lap and Cal had cooked, and Fabrizo ha lurked around the kitchen like a minion of some sort.

Cal had recently went on a German culture kick, so they were having bratwursts and potatoes.

Ruth entered the kitchen last, her hawk-like eyes staring at them all. No one was spared.

They had barely begun eating when a very insistent knock on the front door cause them all to look up from the food. "Oh, God what now?" Rose muttered. 


	14. An Unexpected Reunion

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An Unexpected Reunion

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Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

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As a group the Housemates made their way to the door. Ruth stayed behind. They stood tensely in front of it. Finally Jack spoke. "Shouldn't we open it?" Cal nodded.

"Yes, I believe we should." No one moved. "So, are we gonna open it?" Rose groaned. "I will." She leaned forward, careful not to the leave the circle they had formed.

The door swung open easily. Tommy Ryan stood on their front porch, grinning from ear to ear. They stared.

Fabrizo was the first to break the silence. "What're you doing here?" He asked. "Well, after I got out of jail and paid up my alimony I decided I'd look all you people up."

He stepped into the house; the Housemates simultaneously took a step back. "So, what's for dinner?"

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They sat at the table, each occupied with their own thoughts. The food lay untouched, save Tommy and Ruth's portions. _They _were eating like it was their last meal.

Cal glared at Tommy and then he glared at Fabrizo. When Rose asked him what the hell he was doing, he glared at her. Jack then threw a plate at him. That was the end of his glaring for awhile. 

Tommy and Ruth took no notice of this. In between bites of sausage, Tommy was carrying on an animated conversation with Ruth. "So, how's Vegas?" he asked. Ruth giggled girlishly. "It's alright." 

She batted her eyelashes at him. Jack and Cal felt themselves becoming nauseous. Fabrizo alone was unaffected by these new arrivals. He sat happily in his usual chair, playing cat's cradle.

Rose scooted closer to Jack. She wanted in his lap, and was trying to find a way to accomplish this without attracting the attention of the "visitors".

A moment later, she slid onto his lap. Jack hugged her tightly. "At least you're here with me," he whispered into her hair. Rose smiled and cuddled closer to him.

Cal grunted. Her head shot up from where it had settled on Jack's chest. "Don't you dare start that." Cal just grunted again. Meanwhile Ruth and Tommy flirted on. Jack wrapped his arms tighter around Rose. This was going to be a long night.

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	15. Jack and Rose: Together in the Attic

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Jack and Rose: Together in the Attic

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Disclaimer: I don't own this.

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"Come on," Rose whispered. Jack snickered holding her hand tightly. They had snuck away from the kitchen and were now making their way upstairs.

"We should go to the attic," Jack said when they reached the second floor landing. "Why?" "Because I know our housemates. They'll put them in our room."

Rose nodded. "I should've expected that." She moved closer to Jack. "You know, this is kinda familiar." Jack grinned. "I remember something similar."

He kissed her. "Up we go."

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Meanwhile, Cal was in hell. He was sitting between Ruth and Fabrizo. The latter was flirting like a drunken whore and Fabrizo was making a French fry log cabin. 

Cal had no idea where he had gotten the fries, he had made sausages and baked potatoes. Tommy seemed perfectly fine with Ruth leaning over him while he ate. 

Cal wondered if he was on any drugs. Maybe he would share. "Hey." Fabrizo nudged him with his elbow. Cal grunted. "Jack and Rose are gone, ya know." 

"What?" Fabrizo nodded eating a French fry. "They snuck out a few minutes ago." Cal grabbed Fabrizo by the collar. "And you didn't tell me??!!" 

Fabrizo found himself regretting his actions. It seemed that the arrival of Ruth and Tommy had brought the physco back out in Cal.

This was not good. 

"Uh, I left the water in the bathroom running. I gotta go check it." He jumped up from the table, knocking his chair over in his hurry.

Cal stared at him. "Water running?" He seemed to be talking to himself. "Yeah." Fabrizo ran from the room. Perhaps he could also seek refuge in the upper regions of the house.

A plan was forming in Cal's mind. He was not going to be the only one of his housemates who stayed in the kitchen with THEM. Oh no, he was escaping too.

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	16. The Night the Bed Fell on Fabrizo

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The Night the Bed Fell on Fabrizo

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Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Fabrizo found himself in the hall, without anything to do or anywhere to go. He wrinkled his nose in frustration. There was no way in hell he was going back into the kitchen and the living room was out, as was Jack and Rose's room.

Fabrizo wished fervently for the attic, but it also was off limits. He wandered down the hallway, peering into the bathroom, but again decided that it would not do.

He stopped in front of a door that he wasn't sure he had seen before. The door opened easily revealing what appeared to be a rarely used bedroom. It had two beds, a closet and a bed table with a clock and a lamp.

Happy with his new discovery, Fabrizo climbed into one of the beds and settled down for a nap.

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Cal sat at the table; he wracked his brain for a plan. He had to get rid of them, for the good of the house. Tommy, appeared not to notice the homicidal look on Cal's face. Ruth was too engrossed in Tommy to care.

Aha! Why had he not thought of it before? "HEY YOU GUYS!" he boomed. The two of them turned and stared at him. 

"WHY DON'T YOU GO UPSTAIRS AND CONTINUE THIS THERE?" Cal had decided that the best approach was to pretend that he thought that they were deaf so they would be sure to hear him.

"Well, that is an idea," Tommy said after a moment. Ruth grabbed his hand. "I agree," she simpered. 

Cal was elated. "Well, bye now. Don't sleep too late." He hurried from the table and into the living room. The remaining people in the kitchen were silent.

"Well, shall we go?" Ruth nodded. They were soon in the same hallway in which Fabrizo had stood only minutes before. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cal snuggled down into his couch. Ah, this was the life. No visitors, no housemates, just you and your TV. Wait a minute, what the hell was going on with the TV?

Cal frantically pressed every button on the remote. Nothing happened. He felt his blood freeze. This was not happening. After everything that had happened that day, this could not be happening. The remote was broken!

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Ruth and Fabrizo stumbled into the bedroom on the left. The bedroom that Fabrizo had selected. Drunkenly, though they had (well as far as we know) consumed no alcohol they landed on the bed.

Fabrizo gave a cry of pain and surprise. He began failingly wildly in an attempt to free himself from the tangle of bodies.

Because of the struggles of the bed's three occupants, the heavy wooden headboard fell and hit Fabrizo on the head. Alas, that was not the end of the madness, but more will follow soon.

(Or after I've updated my other stories.)


	17. And Now, You Leave

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And Now, You Leave

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Disclaimer: I own nothing. Updates will take longer than usual due to creating my web page. R/R

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Jack later said that the hardest part was getting Fabrizo untangled. But, that was later. At the time the hardest thing was getting everyone calmly into the living room.

Rose and Jack clearly heard the noise in the attic. They immediately ran down to investigate. Rose collided with Cal on the stairs, and thus, the two landed in a twisted heap.

Jack slid on the rug beside the attic door, and fell into an open closet.

Ruth and Tommy didn't realize they had indeed landed on a live person. 

Cal managed to get up, but only after Rose shoved him off of her. "What the hell is going on?" she yelled. 

"I don't know." Cal shrugged. By now Jack had managed to get out of the closet and join them at the bottom of the stairs.

"Where are the others?" "Uh………………………"

They stared at the dark hallway. "Well, we should go see……….."Rose began. Cal shook his head. "Don't wanna." 

"Come on." Jack turned and went up the stairs. Rose followed pulling Cal along behind her.

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2 Hours Later.

Tommy and Ruth sat on the couch. Fabrizo lay on the chair. The other three stood. "You cannot stay here." Rose broke the silence. Ruth started. "Why not?" "Because, you're driving us crazy!" Cal yelled shrilly.

"So, you're saying what, exactly?" "We're saying you have to LEAVE!!" Jack jumped onto the table. "We're losing all sanity because of you people!"

'Oh. Why didn't you just say so?" They got up from the couch and were gone just as quick as they had come.

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End file.
